I dream of you again, and I’m not angry. You beg for me back in your life, but I’m the one whose life you shattered. I’m being followed throughout my journey by a puppy, you. It’s only normal that I begin to change my mind. I would not have let you back, as much as I wanted to. I was too angry. I’m too sad now, and would love nothing more than for this pain to stop.
But it was only a dream, and you’re still not here.
I may be a little less bitter, but I’m never going to forget. I just want to know if you ever think of me.. because I think of you. And I can’t hate you as much as I want to.
You know that feeling in your chest and abdomen when you think about someone you have strong feelings for? It’s overwhelming to say the least. I can’t think. I feel like I’m going to throw up, die, or if I’m lucky, both.
I guess you could say I’m at a stage in my life where I’m fed up with everything and death just feels easier. I couldn’t hurt myself but this pounding from deep inside of me is so painful I would prefer silence.
But is this a stage or phase? Or did something actually happen? I don’t know. I wish something would. I can’t make sense of what is happening to me.
Is this even happening?
I often feel paralyzed, unable to even speak. Putting my emotions into words is the most difficult task I could force myself to do. Deciphering these feelings is just as hard.
Sometimes, I just want you to listen to this. I want you to hear me for once, even if it doesn’t make sense.
But for now, I’m screaming at the top of my lungs. Inside.
Falling in love, even in a dream, can reawaken parts of you long forgotten.
And then I was attacked by zombie bears.
Can you feel the anger?
I just want to lay all up on that.
I don’t believe dreams hide some super hidden code, but that they put information from my brain into story mode. Thus I’ve never received a stronger response from one dream as the one I just had.
Its almost silly, really.
I was engaged in some romantic relationship with Neal Caffrey, and it appeared we were blissful just holding hands.
For the past few years I’ve been so happy by myself, feeling no one could be with me, much less understand me. This dream told me what I already knew deep down, but didn’t want to admit. By finding the right person I wouldn’t be afraid to be myself and open up.
Why choose Neal as the person for me? Of course he’s gorgeous, and charming. A real romantic. I suppose that’s the person I see myself with.
As complicated as the brain is, it still makes sense.
I just wonder if my somniluquoy came into play during that dream.
I was becoming depressed about my constipation. My anti-depressant was making me constipated. I stopped taking it and now I’m happy about shitting regularly. I just can’t stop myself from crying every 60 minutes.
Well played, science.
Yesterday I walked 1.5 miles to Kaiser, and came upon two tricolor Australian Shepherds with an uncanny resemblance to Jake and you bet your ass I was back in September of 2008 and blaming myself for losing him.
It doesn’t make sense how I can mourn the death of an animal so hard. I hate people. I don’t understand them. I get animals. And I got Jake.